Sports > April 24, 2008

By James Burnett | Staff writer

Well Deacon Fans, while it has been a pleasure covering our illustrious athletic program and waxing poetically on topics ranging from the merits of Greg Oden to the finer points of attending a NASCAR race, my reign as the voice of reason (and incorrect betting tips) must come to an end.

I know what you are thinking and the answer is “No.”

There will be no comeback. Jordan came back twice, and the only stat he improved upon was his SHEOMA percentage (Size of Hoop Earrings On a Male Athlete).

Troy Aikman didn’t know when to quit and now his kids cannot kiss him for fear of another concussion. Mike Tyson has facial tattoos.

Yikes. Not me

Deacon Fans, I will not look back with tears at my time at the OGB (one season as walk on).

To quote the great Tom Hanks, “There is no crying in sports writing.”

Instead I will graduate with a degree in who knows what, like the many other NCAA sports writers who will go pro in something besides sports writing.

I have no dreams of becoming a professional. I did it all for the love of the written word, the excitement of criticizing and judging people I will probably never meet and, of course, for the opportunity to cover (in the loosest sense of the term) NCAA Division I sports.

I went to NASCAR races, saw ACC basketball and football games, sat courtside at a Sweet 16, attended the Kentucky Derby, met Chris Paul, ran a couple of 5ks, drank at Thirsty Thursdays, filled out brackets, went to soccer games and played in numerous intramural sports (poorly).

Did I do all these things because I was a sports writer?

Absolutely not.

I was just a college student who loved sports and happened to write about them.

Envious?

Probably not, but for those of you who are, I will leave you with a few tips for better sports enjoyment:

1. Never give up on the Deacon sports teams. I came to Wake Forest when it was a basketball school that happened to have a football team. I am now leaving Wake Forest as a football school which happens to have a basketball team (who by the way is bringing in a stellar class).

Weird I know, but this gives me more hope than when the Mighty Ducks beat the Icelandic youth team in D2.

2. Root for lesser known sports teams.

These are the athletes with whom the majority of you will find yourselves becoming acquainted with on more than a “I sat next to him at lunch” basis.

Also, when these teams win (i.e. soccer) it is very rewarding to gloat to your friends at larger state schools. My friends at Ohio State still refuse to speak to me.

3. There are only two situations where it is appropriate to wear the tie-die shirt, at sporting events and the day after we win a National Title.

Do not confuse appropriate with cool, awesome or socially acceptable. Those things are not that sweet looking. You look like you just stumbled into a black and gold Paint N’ Swirl.

4. Tailgate for anything and everything. Want to show that you are a true sports fan without waiting in line, or even moving? Grill something in a stationary position with a beverage of choice at the next field hockey match. No one will question your love of the game, or any game for that matter.

5. Koozies. This should be more like point 4b. Remember, it’s not for keeping your drink cold; it’s for keeping your hand warm.

6. Go to a NASCAR race, I’ve covered this before.

7. Go to the Kentucky Derby.

8. Argue about sports whenever you can. Usually there are few consequences for a weak or poorly conceived argument, and if you do lose, you have learned something new.

9. Professional sports are great and all, but college sports will always have the edge.

These are your classmates. There are no huge salaries (just egos in some cases) and for the most part your favorite player will not get traded. Case in point: the movie Rudy. That little upstart would never have played in the NFL, but in the NCAA anything is possible.

10. Enjoy the entire ride. Not just the sports but college itself. These really are the best (if not blurriest) years of your life. I was lucky enough to write for one of these years. So thank you to anyone who read me, even intermittently or on accident.

Thanks to the OGB and my editors, and Go Deacs!