Sports > September 17, 2003

By Mike Scott

Senior Reporter

From time to time I like to turn my view outward, to take a look at what’s going on beyond our little corner of the world. So, with that type of eye toward a broad vision, let’s take a look at what happened in the world of sports this week, outside the Reynolda campus.

Fifth-ranked Texas falls to Arkansas, 38-28

We’ll start off with what was for me the proverbial insult to injury on this college football weekend. After seeing the Deacons suffer their heartbreaking loss in person, I returned home to find that my other team had been upset by the Hogs. Is Mack Brown in danger of becoming the Greg Norman of college coaching? This guy recruits so well, he could probably convince a group of mormons to get drunk and commit to only one wife. Yet more proof that Brown is a master recruiter — he attracts the kids he does despite the high percentage of fans who own shotguns. I’m the first to say that the stereotype we Texans are burdened with is often way off the mark. But I can also remember going dove hunting as a kid and watching my friend’s father take shots while steadying his gun not with his left hand, but rather with his opened can of Coors Light. Texas’ season still comes down to its annual showdown with Oklahoma Oct. 11 in the Cotton Bowl. No word whether the NCAA will force Oklahoma Head Coach Bob Stoops to coach with his playbook tied behind his back in order to level the playing field.

Seriously, watching a Mack Brown offense in a big game is like watching sixth graders at a dance — it’s slow, awkward and nobody really knows what they’re supposed to be doing. The Oklahoma game always reminds me of a scene in “My Blue Heaven.” Steve Martin talks about one Christmas when he was a kid when all he wanted was a bicycle, and his favorite uncle, Enzo I believe it was, had promised him that he would get one.

Every year my Horns are ranked high, and all the writers talk about how this is the year that they’ll beat Oklahoma, this is the year, in the metaphor, when my uncle finally gets me my bike. Gameday finally comes and I feel like a kid running downstairs, expecting to find my present under the tree. But, not only is the bicycle not there, but under the tree I instead find Enzo’s lifeless body, dead from a shot to the back of the head. That’s what it’s felt like the last few years to be a Texas fan watching the UT-OU game. 

Just so you know. Moving on quickly…

Baseball races tighten up

One thing that can be said for the Wild Card: it sure makes things confusing. The look on my face when I try and figure out all the possibilities is the same look we science majors have at social gatherings — a mixture of stone cold terror and utter bewilderment.  Unfortunately even the wild card has not allowed the Kansas City Royals to stay in the playoff race. I guess a team can only go so far when some people on this campus could buy the team using their Deacon Dollars. And speaking of spending money…

Maurice Clarett is suspended for the year and charged with falsification

After a car he was borrowing from a dealer was broken into, Clarett allegedly falsely claimed that thousands of dollars worth of cash and stereo equipment were taken from the car. Clarett’s friend LeBron James has publicly said he will support Maurice in any way possible. Fantastic idea. Maybe it’s just me, but it doesn’t seem like LeBron is quite ready for a position at Big Brothers/Big Sisters. What kind of advice do you suppose he’s going to give Clarett?

Here’s the great thing about college athletics — this situation arises, and people are only asking questions about the insurance report. How about the car? How many dealers do you know loan out cars? What do you suppose would be the response if I went over to Flow Lexus and asked whether I could use one of their cars this Saturday to impress my date? The odds that I’d get the car are nearly as bad as the odds that I’d actually have a date. Now, like Maurice, we’ll quickly transition from college to the pros…

Jamaal Lewis makes good on prediction in breaking single-game rushing mark

“This could be a wake up call,” Cleveland defensive tackle Gerard Warren said after the game. 295 yards rushing — I’d say the Cleveland defense was more like your freshman roommate on pledge night — unconscious and covered in throw up. Warren thinks this was a wake up call? I hope so. The Browns gave away yards the way Geraldo Rivera gave away his dignity — quickly and often. And how about Lewis? Not since my four home-run performance against my cousin in waffle ball back in 1997 has a more unlikely prediction come true.

Well, maybe my outlook isn’t quite as broad as I’d like to think. Until next week.