Sports > February 26, 2004

By Mike Scott

Senior Columnist

I was thinking the other day about Greek Week, the annual competition between fraternities and sororities. Frankly, I think this event has a lot of untapped potential. So, I have decided to use this week’s allotment of space to propose a new Brian Piccolo fundraiser: The Fraternity Olympics.

The mission statement of this Olympics is first to sell as many tickets as possible to the events and second to humiliate pledges, providing more incentive for spectators to buy tickets. A few possible events:

Pledge Chess

First off, this game requires the formation of a giant chessboard of some form — be it made of spray paint, chalk, linen or what have you. Most preferably, the said board should be constructed right in the middle of the Quad at, say, 4 p.m. on a Friday or any other time when there’s a good deal of traffic on our campus centerpiece.

One fraternity will be assigned black, one white. Very simply, this game is something of a return to ancient times, when kings would play chess using human pieces. Each pledge can be dressed up to represent one of the pieces on the board and, while we know that it would be fitting, the game simply doesn’t work if each of them is dressed as a pawn.

Once the pieces, err, pledges, are in place, one member from each of the opposing fraternities squares off in a standard game of chess.

There are also any number of extras that could be added to make this a more enjoyable event for the spectators, and therefore a more miserable one for the pledges.  For instance, each time a piece is lost, the pledges involved would have to improvise a conflict in the Shakespearan dramatic style, with the pledge being removed having to act out a death scene; the places of honor (king and queen) could be given out as awards to the best and worst behaved pledges, with their “subjects” having to refer to them as “sire” or “Your Royal Highness” throughout the week leading up to the match; each “player” (the brother directing the pieces) could require that all of his pieces refer to him as “the Grandmaster.” Really, the potential aspects of entertainment in this game are endless.

Fraternity Golf

Held at any one of the three local watering holes frequented by university fraternities, this would consist of each fraternity nominating its four best players to compete in a Golden Tee tournament, with each round consisting of single elimination through an 18-hole match. The finals could be held at Daytona’s.

Where do the pledges come in, you ask? Each competitor would have to be accompanied by a pledge working as a caddy, fully equipped with a set of golf clubs and dressed in the most obnoxious golf clothes available, preferably something involving a skirt. Pledges would be responsible for helping with club choice, green reading and drink serving.

Track and Field

Basically, this would incorporate some of the normal track and field events of the Olympics, with pledges generally used as props. For instance — the 4x100 pledge relay would be a standard relay race, with a pledge used as the baton. There would be the Pledge-put, a standard shotput with a pledge taking the place of the metal ball. There could also be the pledge jump and the pledge hurdles, with pledges subbing for the high-jump bar and the hurdles, respectively. Again, the possibilities are endless.

In short, I really feel the Fraternity Olympics simply need to happen — with enough time and effort, you could come up with an almost unlimited number of events. The fraternities would be able to compete in a friendly manner, the rest of the campus would be able to watch and laugh and the Piccolo fund would get a few more donations. In short, everybody wins. Well, everyone but the pledges.