Sports > October 11, 2007

By James Burnett | Staff writer

For those of you who have not seen Lou Holtz’ pep talks each Saturday on ESPN, allow me to give you a brief rundown.

A camera pans upwards revealing a disheveled Holtz holding a clipboard (or prop) in front of a whiteboard filled with imaginary plays.

Holtz delivers a motivational speech and says something to the effect of “Go get ‘em!”

If you have seen these speeches, this is the point where your jaw drops and you begin pondering why ESPN decided to allow football’s crazy grandfather to address its audience.

This is an interesting question. Why would sport’s dominant media outlet allow a borderline senile former coach, who would pick Notre Dame in a match against God, to do magic tricks (not kidding, check out his speech to Florida prior to the LSU game) and threaten players with the prospect of their wives leaving them (Inaugural pep talk to Michigan) on the air?

One answer is that the network has grown accustomed to grumpy old man antics.

If ESPN could attract Joe Paterno away from Penn State, they would have the perfect cast for Grumpy Old Men 3 with Linda Cohn playing the younger love interest.

ESPN can generate interest in its game day analysis simply by putting Holtz in front of the camera, but at what point does the analysis begin to suffer?

During the preseason, each analyst on College Gameday was asked to pick their Top 10 teams to determine a ranking from which the crew could make predictions.

When asked about notable absences, Holtz, almost on cue noted that the Fighting Irish should be present.

Rece Davis began laughing and Mark May visibly strangled the notes in his hand while a camera man vomited off-screen.

In this way Holtz has become something of a novelty, instigating arguments and making outrageous claims (Notre Dame is 1-5, far removed from the top 10).

The truth is that his “analysis” is mostly limited to his speeches and game picks, both of which have been shown to be somewhat questionable in content.

If it’s not his insight that keeps Holtz around, it has to be his lovable if not psychotic nature, right?

Perhaps there is more to the Lou Holtz story.

One could argue that as remnant of Notre Dame’s last national championship squad (‘88), Holtz is ESPN’s attempt to reach the “Notre Dame quota” that almost every sports network seems to be required to meet. NBC is currently paying $9 million a season for exclusive rights to Irish home games.

Notre Dame is arguably “America’s college football team,” so if ESPN is unable to cover most of the college’s games, why not get one of its prolific coaches to provide commentary on your network?

This is not meant to undermine the fact that Holtz was at one point one of the great college football minds, but just pointing out that he has a connection with America’s most beloved team. Conspiracy theory?

Yes, but did anyone else find Notre Dame’s trip to, and subsequent trouncing in, the 2006 Sugar Bowl a bit suspicious? Holtz, like Notre Dame, is going to receive the benefit of the doubt in many cases.

Last year Notre Dame lost three games and wound up playing in a BCS bowl.

This year Lou Holtz has done magic tricks on television, yet remains an ESPN fixture on Saturdays.

Despite the fact that Holtz might be nearing a forced retirement, I will continue to watch him and be amused, just as many Notre Dame fans will relish the opportunity to see their team flounder every Saturday.

The Irish are currently struggling to become bowl eligible (sorry Irish, there is no NIT in football) while Holtz is struggling to keep himself in 1988, and despite my questions, I wouldn’t have it any other way.