Opinion > May 1, 2008

By Dayna Garland | Guest columnist

In preparing to write this article I put a lot of brain-storming into finding positive attributes of the Democratic Party.

Unfortunately, the characteristics I arrived at more closely reflect the qualities of a charitable organization than those of a political party.

To start with, the Democratic Party’s concern for the well-being of the poor is admirable.

If we lived in a utopia where everyone was entitled to and possessed an equal share, Democrats would have the system perfected; they would also have perfected the system of communism. Forgive me if I have a difficult time understanding how it is “progressive” to provide temporary financial support rather than job training and opportunities for the poor. That makes perfect sense.

Rather than providing avenues for self-improvement and opportunities, Democrats provide fully furnished apartments where the poor can rest from their unbearable work load.

The result of extensive welfare handouts is not a new independent, productive class, but rather a class of human leeches, dependent on sucking money from the government in order to survive.

Why not take money from hard-working Americans to support others?

After all, those selfish haves that hoard all of their money, what are they going to do with it?

They don’t actually need to have all of that which they have earned or have the right to spend themselves.

I don’t know what I would do without an elite class of ruling erudite super-intellectuals coercively taking the money that I have earned from my wallet to spend it better than I could on bridges to nowhere, Woodstock museums in New York and massively inefficient social programs. What would I do without the Democrats leading the way to preserve our fragile, weak earth that has sustained human life for at least two thousand years, or some may argue billions?

The Democratic Party’s concern for the environment is a kudos-worthy attempt to keep our happy, perfect world clean — again let’s pretend like we live in utopia. I want to applaud Democrats for their farsighted perspective in placing greater value on the environment than human babies.

The earth must be protected from the pillage and plunder of those evil, superior beings — humans.

Thank you, Democrats, for keeping those inferior ecosystems thriving, at the small cost of my own essential right to the pursuit of happiness.

Who needs economic development or new infrastructure when you can save a brine shrimp?

I want to express my appreciation to leading Democratic presidential nominee Barack Obama for being so considerate towards illegal aliens, who have broken our laws by entering our nation illegally.

Obama goes out of his way to court these felons, wanting to offer them the conveniences of American citizenship: driver’s licenses, access to welfare and of course “free” health care. (Health care is never going to be free; it will just be paid for by imposing higher taxes on American citizens, and don’t we all feel like we don’t pay enough in taxes?) Shouldn’t we all treat criminals with the same thoughtfulness that Obama intends to? What a man!

Obama himself is a man of great honesty who will bring “real change” to these United States.

We can see the promise of a better America by looking at the outstanding accomplishments he has already made in Congress. He has done a fine job representing the issues of the men and women of his state — by being the first black man to run for president.

Democrats’ concerns for the general good of people to live happy, fulfilling lives in a clean, natural environment is not to be overlooked by the opposing party.

Republicans are not opposed to these concerns, but feel that there are more vital issues to be addressed in our government institutions created FOR the people, BY the people.

Dayna Garland is a freshman from Atlantic Beach, N.C.

Seeking Middle Ground is a weekly faceoff between College Democrats and College Republicans on a given topic.