Life > February 20, 2003

By Natalie Bonomo

Old Gold and Black Reviewer

Episode by episode we watched the hopefuls on Joe Millionaire get eliminated. We were delighted to see them go.

Some of the more memorable ladies to whom viewers bid adieu:

Heidi, the evil dress hog with a layaway boyfriend back home, couldn’t have left sooner. Her eradication was relished by all.

Mojo, empress of floppy hats and excessive make-up, otherwise referred to by Evan as the “blond bombshell,” was bewildered when her foolishly sentimental love poem failed to win Evan’s heart.

How on earth could the ever so poignant “I Choose You” puzzle of herself send him darting to the other side of the chateau? Isn’t that the kind of thing men fantasize over?

Melissa M., a self-proclaimed “mercenary kind of person,” declared that with the million, she would travel to Third World countries to bathe their children and give them shots.

Right. And then I am confident she would donate both her kidneys and half a lung to a starving paraplegic in Slovakia. Even the typically thickheaded Evan was able to see past her overflowing cleavage and cut her.

Then it was down to two—Sarah and Zora and what we thought would be the final episode where Joe Millionaire’s momentously anticipated choice would be revealed at last.

But the prank was on the viewers. FOX instead aired a flashback episode recapping the events from past weeks, vowing that next time there would be a shocking twist. At this point, I had to hold back the urge to heave the television out of our second-story window, after all, next week’s final episode promised to deliver the goods. It did.

The episode began with what else but more flashbacks and a closer look into the lives of the girls Evan had rejected. We connected with the contestants; we listened to their heartfelt stories, and just when we had had enough of the pseudo-sleepover bonding time, the moment came to answer the lingering question we had all been pondering—would it be Zora or Sarah?

It was like a battle between good and evil, lightness and darkness, moral and immoral, slut and sweetheart. Well, mostly. Deep down, most everyone (including the butler) was rooting for Zora, the sweet unassuming substitute teacher from New Jersey.

As Evan sat with Zora in the salon, fumbling over what seemed to be a roundabout letdown, the outlook seemed pretty bleak.

But just when you were about to give up hope of anything pure and good in the world, Evan blurted out, “It’s been a roller-coaster ride. I chose you.” He continued, “I don’t have million. I don’t even have fifty thousand,” and explained that he wanted to find someone who loved him for him and not his money.

Zora departed without uttering a word, shedding a tear or cracking a smile. Cue Sarah.

She sat poised and demure as Evan told her the news. He didn’t have the money. He wasn’t a millionaire. “Did you feel that was something I was concerned with?” Sarah asked through a tight-lipped smile. Evan cut right to the point and told her that she hadn’t been chosen.

And then there was one. But questions still remained, would Zora join Evan in the ballroom? Would she say yes?

Indeed. Zora swept in and told Evan she had actually been “really turned off” by the fact that he had inherited all that money and that she wanted to “continue the journey."But the much-awaited surprise twist was still to come. Would Zora have to choose between Joe Millionaire and a million dollars? Was Paul Hogan, the butler, the actual millionaire?Was Evan really a space alien raised by giraffes in the Congo?

The butler instead presented the new couple with a check for a million dollars, explaining that every fairytale needs a bit of magic. Money helps too, apparently.

So, yes, the fairytale was manufactured. Yes, it was based on lies, deception and manipulation. But hey, it worked. We tuned in, and FOX got some of its highest ratings yet.

Now, all that is left to do is wait and see if Evan and Zora live happily ever after. We’ll find out next Monday on Joe Millionare: The Aftermath.