Life > March 27, 2008

By Kelly Curran | Staff columnist

As the year’s end is looming, I see my peers not only wondering what they will be doing for employment in the upcoming months, but what the future has in store for their college relationships.

We have all seen so many high school relationships falter under the Thanksgiving Break Curse of freshman year, but post-college life is a whole new ball game.

People put considerably more time into their relationships during college and many think they have met The One. But how do you incorporate someone else into your future plans?

It’s an incredibly scary prospect.

I have a hard enough time remembering to feed and clothe myself without knowing and functioning under someone else’s schedule. As frightening as being a “real person” is, we have to bite the bullet sometimes.

Growing into an adult often means having a serious, possibly co-habitating, relationship as the next step.

This brings up so many questions.

Where do we live?

What if I can’t find work there?

What if we get into grad schools far apart?

Do we live together, or separately but near each other?

Can we get a dog, or should we start with a plant?

Will all my quirks stop being so cute once they’re exposed 24/7?

Yeah, my head is spinning too. But these are serious questions that people must address once they reach a particular stage in the relationship.

It’s important to make sure that everything is kept fair and that the needs of both people are being addressed.

True, in any relationship there is give and take.

But some people seem to give far more than their partner does and vice versa.

Each person must be aware of what they are giving and getting. Thinking about the imbalance will only breed later resentment.

The easiest way is to know what you want in your future – YOUR individual future.

If you want to become a writer for a political newspaper, your girlfriend’s plan to study Native American anthropology might not mesh.

For each of you to live out your dreams, something might have to give.

Either one or both people will have to compromise, or the relationship might not work out in the long run.

A compromise is fundamental to a relationship, but it has its limitations.

You can even make a list of what you want and what you’re getting in reality – if you have more discrepancies than your partner, something needs to be changed to maintain balance.

A main problem is location.

If you move cross country to be with someone, there has definitely got to be something in it for you.

Moving into an established home will make a person feel like a permanent visitor.

The long-term occupant will have a head start on knowledge of the area, local friends and an established life.

One idea that would avoid this home-court advantage is to move somewhere where you both can have a clean slate.

Starting over in a completely new place allows for you to build a life that is yours as a duo.

Possibly the most important question is how does a relationship change by co-habitating?

Well I’ll admit, I don’t know for sure as of yet.

It might give you time to figure out if you’re suited for one another.

You don’t have your corners to disappear to when things are hard, so you have to deal with one another and are faced with the reality of having to do so forever.

You could think of it as a trial run for an eventual marriage, but that’s scary. So I’m going to think of it as playing house until the time comes.