Life > March 30, 2006

By Christopher Browder

Old Gold & Black Columnist

The best athlete of all time is not Michael Jordan, Joe Montana or Wayne Gretzky. 

These people may have been the best at their respective sports, but unfortunately for them, they were only good at one. 

But this is not to say that Bo Jackson or Deion Sanders is the best, since these guys weren’t the best at the sports they played. 

No, the truth may surprise you. The best athlete of all time is none other than a certain Italian plumber with a penchant for red overalls.  That’s right, Mario. 

While I’m sure some diehard sports fans may disagree with me, I don’t know why they are wasting their time reading this column instead of the sports section. 

The truth is that Mario has dominated golf, baseball, soccer, tennis and of course go-kart racing, all while keeping a smile on his face and a fun-loving attitude.

These two qualities are why his sports games are quite simply the only sports video games worth playing these days.

Now don’t get me wrong, I enjoy playing NBA Live and other realistic simulations as much as anyone else, but they just cannot compete with Mario and the colorful characters of his universe. 

I attribute this to three main factors. First, Mario sports games are always straightforward without being overly simple.  Every game is essentially controlled with two buttons and a joystick in usually the most intuitive way possible, and within minutes of playing, you can perform pretty decently.  But this is not to say that you will master a game within a day or two. 

In fact, even after months of playing, you can still find new tricks and new secrets. 

While simulations no doubt possess the latter characteristic, they are usually too complex for the average person to pick up without reading the manual or embarrassing themselves as they clumsily attempt to play.

Second, Mario games are just more fun than other games.  While the cartoon characters may seem childish to some, in truth, they are fun and interesting, and you can soon tell just as much about someone by seeing which character they associate with as you could if they told you their life story. 

Are they a self-deprecating person who always is in the shadow of others (i.e. Luigi), or are they a self-confident bad-boy who loves being the villain (i.e. Wario, Bowser).  Are they a strong but needy princess (i.e. Peach), or a half-mushroom, half-man (i.e. Toad)?

Mario sports games are always full of unique twists and power-ups, like weapons, special moves and even taunts. You just don’t see this kind of fun in simulations, which can tend to get boring.

Third, video games are meant to be about escape.  If I want to play a realistic game of soccer, I can grab a ball and go play on the quad. If I want to watch famous athletes competing in high-stakes action, I can turn on the TV.

But when I’m playing video games, I want to be out of the real world.  I want out-of-shape plumbers to be the star players.  I want a green dinosaur to come down from the sky and blow fire on the playing field at random intervals.  I want to be shrunk when I’m zapped by a lighting bolt. 

In short, I want to be in a fun and carefree place that cannot exist in the world in which we live.  And that is why Mario sports games will always be the best sports games made, and quite frankly, the only ones worth playing.