Life > November 1, 2007

By Kelly Curran | Staff columnist

There comes a time in every relationship, past the time when you tell each other your childhood fears but before he can acknowledge that she does, in fact, have less than pleasant bodily functions, where relationships get stressful and the cracks start to show.

Periods of distress can cause both parties to lose their cool and expose a side of their personality that is less than attractive.

It is a make-or-break time when a person’s ugly side makes its first appearance.

Try as we may to put our best foot forward at all times, that can only last so long before you can no longer hide the “inner crazy.”

That being said, I’d like to dedicate this column to Dr. Elliot Reid of Scrubs, whose insane rants and plentiful phobias have given me the inspiration to look into the hidden crazy person that lies within all of us.

Although my favorite Scrubs character has far more hang-ups than the average person, she tries to reduce the negative impact her “quirks” may have on her relationships.

So what exactly does revealing your “inner crazy” entail, you ask?

Well, it’s showing a part of you that is irrational, insecure or even compulsive.

You may reveal yourself to be slightly ritualistic when it comes to checking e-mail, even getting up in the middle of the night to check it, knowing that all you’ll find is a notice from the Webshots account you made a year ago (pre-Facebook photos) and no longer use.

The frazzled Dr. Reid, for example, refuses to talk to someone if she’s in the bathroom. (Insert joke about stuffy, emotionally-stunted Connecticut women here. Since I hail from that mecca of preppiness as well, I will refrain.)

Any behavior can be seen as slightly weird, but when it prevents a couple from communicating properly or stifles their relationship, the inner crazy must be addressed.

What should the partner do if the other is acting insane? Ignoring this newly developed behavior will not help.

Avoiding what you don’t like about your boyfriend or girlfriend does not mean it does not exist, and it may only worsen.

If the “inner crazy” seeks attention and help, it must be addressed before it escalates to an unmanageable and possibly relationship-breaking level.

Sometimes simply saying “you’re not acting like yourself, this is crazy” is enough to snap your partner out of it.

Note: do not say “you’re crazy,” because this will open a can of worms you are not even remotely prepared for.

Most people recognize that their behavior is abnormal and uncalled for, but it can not go away because you want it to.

The person unleashing their ugly side doesn’t enjoy it; after all, it’s called an “ugly side” for a reason.

There is no appeal to showing how irrational you can be, but if a person tries to hold it in he or she is bound to have an outburst far worse than the initial feelings of craziness.

I’ll admit it: my “inner crazy” reveals itself as jealousy. For me and many others, suspicion and mistrust do not simply disappear.

It may ebb and flow, depending on how many text messages from girls with questionable motives my guy has received lately, but the green-eyed monster is always present and readily provoked.

As Scrubs’ Elliot Reid said, “I’m just this big mountain of koo-koo who’s about to erupt and spew molten crazy all over him!” Indeed, Dr. Reid. Indeed.

This doesn’t mean that I like the envious side of me.

I am often worried about releasing it for fear that it will chase a guy away. That is a very real concern, because one bad fight can kill a relationship.

However, we all must realize that if a significant other is really worth keeping around, he or she will be there to see you through your rough patches and help ease the mental and emotional turmoil, which means assurance and a reminder of who is his No. 1 (me!).

After all, no one is perfect and your partner is bound to have some flaws and insecurities too that you must deal with.

What we should learn from unstable, lovable Elliot Reid is that maybe being a little insane doesn’t have to mean a normal relationship is out of the question.

But holding back your fears and insecurities will not do your partner or yourself any favors.

We have to own up to, even embrace, our crazy side and have faith that the one we love can accept it too.