Life > February 7, 2008

By Kelly Curran | Staff columnist

Commitment is one aspect of relationships that people always have an opinion about. You either love it or you avoid it.

People think serious relationships are the only way to go, or that they’re a waste of time. I hate to generalize, but the tendency is for guys to avoid and for girls to seek commitment. I am not saying that ALL men and women fall into those categories. I even tend to lean towards the non-committal end of the spectrum.

However, for the purposes of this column, I’m going with the stereotype for simplicity’s sake.Why do women want commitment so badly? We want to be number one and not just in an appeasing “you know I love you” kind of way. We want it to be on Facebook; we want it to be official. Once the relationship is in the open, there is a feeling of security and trust in knowing that it’s solidified.

With commitment, there’s less chance of infidelity because both parties are invested. Being committed is security that you are loved, and if you feel you deserve such an allegiance, it’s hard to settle for anything less. Girls may go overboard at times, but it boils down to wanting clear definitions in a relationship.Why do men avoid commitment? They don’t want to be tied down; they want to keep their options open. They are afraid that the wrong girl will trap them into a relationship they can’t get out of. They don’t want to be controlled or lose out on anything by having only one girl in their lives. Men tend to see commitment as a frightening prospect and often think they are not ready to be a real “boyfriend.” True, many are afraid of commitment, but mostly they just want the freedom to do what they please without getting nagged. With commitment being such a heated topic, it’s no wonder that people tend to go a little overboard with their beliefs.

As the end of senior year rapidly approaches, I am noticing some peculiar behavior from my peers. Some are avoiding commitment – even when they really like the other person – because they think there isn’t enough time for a decent relationship. But when you’re spending every other night together, you’re always attending date functions, you’re even saying “the L word” – just admit it already! You’re in a relationship and at the end of college it is going to be hard to part with each other, no matter what your “official status” is.

Others seem to be forcing their relationships to progress quickly, thinking that their last college relationship has to be major. Those who have always dreamed of marrying their college sweetheart are in commitment overload trying to get their partner to settle down in hopes of having a relationship that lasts past college. Then there are those who can’t figure out what the hell they’re doing.

Relationship ambiguity is particularly frustrating for someone who wants commitment, but their partner isn’t quite ready. I know firsthand how aggravating this can be, and it makes a person doubt how much they are loved. Keeping someone you like (or “love”) on the backburner isn’t fair. It’s time to man up and have an actual relationship. Well, this article just took a sharp turn to Bitterville, so it’s time to wrap things up.

Bottom line: commitment is hard, but it’s worth it.

Serious relationships aren’t a binding contract, but they are a sign of mutual love and respect. If there is someone you truly care about, keep them around by investing yourself. If it doesn’t work out you’ll know you tried and you put it all out there. Half-assing a relationship will only end in frustration on both ends. Your life will not be over if you are in a serious relationship.

You might even stumble onto something worth keeping around for a very long time.