Life > February 8, 2007

By Mary Beth Ballard

Staff columnist

The 2007 Super Bowl was quite the spectacle, wasn’t it? Right from kick-off we witnessed this momentous punt return and touchdown. 

We knew it was bound to be an incredible game, right?  While impressed with this opening play, I felt that the Bears’ sudden glory was destined to be short-lived. 

Like a feisty thoroughbred first out of the gates on Derby Day which inevitably loses steam halfway around the track, the Bears’ burst of energy sealed their Super Bowl fate.

But whether the game plays delighted or depressed you, it matters not.  For we all know that the Super Bowl extends far beyond the realm of football to encompass all things commercially American. 

And by this I mean Bud Light, gas-guzzling cars, fastfood and, despite the fact that his name sounds French, Robert Goulet (pronounced Goo-lay with emphasis on the long “a” sound.) If this man is completely foreign to you, watch the Best of Will Ferrell now before the Gods of Cultural Relevance smite you. Seriously.

While encountering Goulet in a mixed nuts ad during the Super Bowl was something I never thought possible, there were other notable commercials as well. 

Bud Light proved to be at the top of its game with ads featuring “rock, paper, scissors,” crabs (the crustacean), slapping and foreign language labs. 

And what Super Bowl would be complete without featuring adorable animals? 

Blockbuster warmed our hearts with digital rodents, and Budweiser used canines to promote our desire for beer. 

I’m not really sure how furry creatures direct our tastes to DVD rentals and alcohol, but subliminal messages must be involved.

Well, what about the ads that sucked? There were plenty of them this year.  I’ll mention the one our whole viewing party couldn’t stop hating on — two words, one juvenile web address … SalesGenie.com.  Never heard of it?  Exactly. This one was incredibly lame. 

It featured a businessman with a red Corvette flaunting his success to a blonde babe before trying to arrange a golf game with a friend and then getting invited to his boss’ house for dinner.

Immediately some young coworker sticks his head up the businessman’s ass wondering how he manages life so well. The man responds, “Only fools work hard. I work smart with SalesGenie.com!”

Um, ok. I guess we’re all a bunch of fools around here.

Wonder how many years SalesGenie had to save up enough revenue to get one on?

So the K-Fed commercial was funny, once you got through the awful music video to the footage of what he really should be doing for a living — shaking a basket of French fries.

What bothers me about this ad is why someone would pay K-Fed to be in a commercial?

If anything, he should be paying the company to solicit the 30-second attention of some estimated 90 million TV viewers.

Coca-Cola tried to be profound to no avail.Most of us drink soft drinks anyway (either Coke or Pepsi products).The ads illustrating the history of the Coke bottle shape really aren’t going to sway our loyalty toward the competitor brand. Sierra Mist commercials, on the other hand, just might have the power of persuasion. 

The “full beard comb-over” and karate defense moves seem worthy of my finiky taste bud allegiance.

Last but not least, the half time show. 

Maybe you watched it in awe, or maybe you chose to pee off all of the beer you consumed during the first-half and got back to playing pong. 

Either way, Prince did perform “Purple Rain” …in the rain…that happened to be purple. Was this mere coincidence?

Or strategically planned with help from the Miami meteorologists months in advance? We’ll never know…

What we do know is that Prince wore a baby blue suit and a dew rag to shield his coif from the downpour.

He was flanked by energetic “twin” dancers, as his high-pitched wails pierced the firework-laden night sky. 

All I can say is … I would have preferred that unique experience to Taylor Hicks and Gladys Knight any day.